A child a precious gift although not all would agree and make them suffer at their knee!
There’s no manual on how to act once that bundle is placed in your care – no tutorials to tell you how to cope after the nine months of hope!
Careless words/comments a flying fist maybe makes creates a pattern that allows that child to feel unworthy!
I cannot speak for other people only of my own experiences and I know that it was without malice that my father’s words were said to me however no matter how innocent in making them the harm was done and I grew up seeking the love of a father who made me feel unworthy of – all I can say is thank God for mum!
At 18 years of age my father gave me an ultimatum that if I was to meet a certain someone not to bother coming home!
I met him and not only that we married – this to me was the beginning of the spiral I no longer felt welcome at home and although bridges were built and returning there after my marriage broke down I couldn’t wait to get away and married on a whim!
Whilst my first marriage may well have lasted had my parents not interfered there is one thing I am certain we loved each other this time there was not a speck of love!
The Universe stepped in and brought the love of my life back to me and we started plotting a new life away from loveless marriages. Alas a dare, a few pints of ale and a dip in the River Avon that opportunity was taken from me!
No matter I thought a baby will bring me the love I deserve – and much against my mother’s wishes my eldest was born – alas whilst our bond was strong my husband’s jealousy was shown with fists hitting me in rage whenever the child cried. He even told my mother to keep the baby when she’d looked after it for us to move house!
At the age of seven my baby had to be assessed for his behavior was causing problems at his school – the Universe had stepped in again this time showing me that the problem wasn’t my baby it was the father – divorce number 2!
I never expected to marry again believing that it would just be my baby and me that is until one year later I met someone by chance who changed my life as well as their own as we were swept up by an emotional wave – I had met someone who loved me, as I did them and who was willing to be a father to my son!
We met in April 1989 and married that December in 1990 our family was completed with the birth of a girl.
That is when those dungeon doors opened and I slipped further into the darkness that had surrounded me for many, many years and the doctor looked at me and said “You have depression, and I mean depression not postnatal depression”, he arranged for me to see a councilor called Sue and after many visits I could see a better world!
This was not to last for long though, for as I said earlier my son’s behavior caused problems at his school and he now attended a boarding school who decided that it was me who had issues not him!
More counseling was arranged, this time though that dungeon door was opened and I experienced the darkness once again, to scared to seek help I stumbled on until my daughter was 13 and a move to Wales facilitated my meeting a lady who took me to a spiritualist church. Sitting with a medium I was brought to a place where I found I didn’t like myself – yes the Universe stepped in again.
Having arranged to take her class to an academy in a nearby town the medium I sat with facilitated my finding a selfawareness course (self counseling) and once again the Universe stepped in when I mentioned to that lady who had gotten me on this path about a Tarot Card Workshop for it wasn’t she that the Universe wanted to attend but me!
Whilst the majority of Tarot Card readers read the cards to tell you what to do I found that using mine I was counseling/advising merely giving food for thought rather than telling the answers!
A few months into reading the cards a friend advised me that I should qualify as a coach so a undertook an NLP course and qualified as a practitioner/coach.
Once again the Universe stepped in getting me to the right place at the right time as it was whilst taking the NLP course I was invited to study Kinetic Shift.
Whilst I of course do use NLP with my clients I find that Kinetic Shift works best for me and created Kay Downie – The Soul Mechanic – another child given to me as most clients will tell you it is like visiting a Mother Hen
Do I regret the journey I have taken not really for without it my friends I couldn’t tell this story neither could I enable you and empower you to evolve into that overcoat of your life purpose just as I have mine!